This last year of my life has been one of the most intense
yet. Some days I tell people I feel as if I aged 10 years in terms of life
experience. My heart has been through trying times - it has ached, parts of it
have felt broken, and it has been tested; yet, it has also grown, parts of it
have felt full, and it has felt joy.
I went from being your everyday single free-spirited outdoor
educator working at a state park to being with my aunt and uncle through a
life-threatening illness and ultimate liver transplant. While living at the
hospital for a few months with the two of them, I was reconnected with an old
friend. Little did I know at the time that reconnecting with that friend would lead to the growth of my heart and family.
As I discussed in one of my last posts, I really was feeling
like I was in the right place, people were coming back into my life, and we were
crossing paths at just the right time. I was there while my boyfriend’s son
continued to enjoy life and make us all laugh despite his great battle with
osteosarcoma. He never gave up, not even in those final days. I lost a friend
that day.
I know there is a part of our hearts that will never feel
the same without Nick here. He was a great person, son, brother, and friend,
and I was just beginning to feel like a part of his family.
I am thankful for the time I had, and beyond blessed to walk
into his life when I did. One of the first times I hung out with him and his
dad in Omaha, I felt so inspired by Nick already. I wrote a post titled “Stay
Strong” that evening. Nick later shared a few words himself that day, which
brought me to tears and touched my heart.
“Jessica is one of the most inspirational, very outgoing,
strongest, and never forgets someone or leaves them out. She definitely made my
stay go a lot faster and brightened it up by just coming over and hanging out.
My journey in life is just a small dent in life and the people I have met like
Jessica have made a tremendous dent in the most important journey, and that’s
LIFE.”
As a family we remember, we cry, we share stories, we
laugh, we enjoy, and we love.
Simple
guide for enjoying life, laughing lots, and staying strong:
1.
Spend time with those you love. The ones who make you happy. The ones who make
you smile without even saying a thing. The ones you can have fun with and keep on smiling.
These are
the people we should be there for, spend our time with, make memories together,
enjoy life, and bring each other joy. Family and those few great friends. Smile together.
The boys and I participated in a 1-mile honor walk in support of
Childhood Cancer Research. I also ran the 5K that night. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Go gold.
2. Find excitement and joy in your work.
I am embarking on a few new work adventures this week. First, I am beginning as the administrative assistant in an office that works with community development through homebuyer education and assistance. Second, I may be doing a little freelance writing and photography for a magazine. Both are exciting opportunities right near my new home. I can see challenge in both of these work adventures for me, and I can help make a difference.
3.
Share stories with one another.
Sharing
stories means sharing experiences and emotions. How do we go about remembering
and not forgetting? We share stories. That’s how. Stories can help us process,
remember the good things in life, reminisce, and hope for more.
I
have been telling a few people about the hearts I have been finding lately. One
showed up in the form of a rash or something on my left arm. I had it for about
three days. Every time I looked, I would trace the heart shape I would see and
think of my buddy. Maybe Nick was telling us he loves us. Look close in the photo below. The heart is tilted on its
right.
Then,
at the start line of the 5K race in support of Childhood Cancer Research, I
took in a group of clouds forming a heart with a pink tinge in the sky. Nick
again I thought, and Mike, Nate, and I shared stories on the way home.
4.
Make each other laugh.
I
swear I have not laughed as hard in my life as I have in the past 3 months.
From Oklahoma shenangians with the guys, to riding in the truck, to sitting
across the table. Those Kroeger men always find something. I don’t just giggle,
I bend over laughing with tears in the corners of my eyes. I have Mike, Nate, and Nick
to thank for that.
5.
Enjoy the little things.
With
one of new work avenues including a little photography work, I decided to wake
up a little earlier one day and go see what beautiful sky the sun may provide
for me one morning. Sunrise has always been one of my favorite times of day,
when just that simple change as it sneaks over the horizon. This is one of
those little moments that just makes me smile.
Heartache,
joy, and life… How do we make sense of it all? I don’t think we ever will. A
part of our hearts will ache forever; yet, other parts of our hearts shall grow
as we continue to be here for one another. Like Nick said “it’s the people I
have met that have made a tremendous dent in the most important journey, and
that’s LIFE.” We shall do our best to help each other find our way. We will
cry. We will remember. We will hold each other. We will smile. We will laugh.
We will enjoy. We will love. We will ride on.
